Struggles & Identity

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Making new friends is hard in 2024

I have no friends at all. I've tried everyway you possibly can, going to activity groups, trying to start up random conversations with strangers, contact old peers that I used to be in contact with, but it always just fizzles out for whatever reason. I don't think I am that boring. I try my best to be engaged, listen and also talk but it seems like I am not important enough to maintain a connection, just a mere good conversation. Don't get me wrong I appreciate a good conversation at any time but some times I wish there was more to it then that. Am I the only one who feels this way? I just want to laugh, hang out and be myself with someone again if that is even possible today. Am I being too entitled?

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iamnikki · 31-35, F

Definitely feel the same way.
People who are still friends with folks from HS are lucky.

I've come to learn that I've never had real friends. All I've ever had was situational friends.
You shared classes and went to school with these folks so you were "friends".
You lived on the same street with these folks so you were "friends".

Once middle/high school was over, so was the "friendship".

Once people moved from home one by one, the "friendships" were gone to.

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PinkRangerCassie · 26-30, F

@iamnikki Yes, it makes me nervous as well. I am scared to develop dementia when I get older because genetically I have no predisposition for it in my family tree but I heard it can be developed thru prolonged loneliness as it can cause significant cognitive decline. That is such a scary thought but also a realistic possibility.

iamnikki · 31-35, F

@PinkRangerCassie I've heard that puzzles and things can help with that, unless I'm thinking of Alzheimer's

PinkRangerCassie · 26-30, F

@iamnikki I have not heard that but maybe. From what I heard, it was doing challenging things that can decrease the chance of cognitive decline like playing chess with someone but I guess puzzles could help to.

zonavar68 · 51-55, M

I've never really had friends beyond people I know through work, etc. but I almost never socialise. I don't do relationships very well either.

I don't think I need friends but that makes relationships difficult if I can't become friends first. I'm terrible with social cues, body language, etc.

I totally disconnected from everyone I knew from high school after finishing as I'd gone full-tilt into achieving a very good outcome but then went to uni and found I was totally burned out and bombed it. I never went to any school re-unions as that'd be the *worst* possible social experience I could ever think of.

BnBSpringer09 · 26-30, F

I completely get you! It is definitely hard this day in age, and it seems like people have changed, too. They are so much more reserved and less social than in the past, it seems. Many things are trending in the direction of convenience with as little human interaction as possible, and I think that's hurting people's social lives.

I've had much better luck with older people, as they seem to really enjoy having someone to talk to and I always find them to be lovely to have conversions with. They tend to be very genuine and kind IME as well.

As for people in our age group, that's really a tough one that I've been trying to figure out for awhile. The only way I've met any is by networking through current friends, though many are in the same boat.

iamnikki · 31-35, F

@BnBSpringer09 true,I feel more comfortable talking to an older person randomly rather than someone my age. People will age will look at me weird as if to say "why is she talking to me". Older people will smile and talk...

BnBSpringer09 · 26-30, F

@iamnikki Yes! That's my experience as well.

QueenOfZaun · 26-30, F

I’m in a similar situation. I haven’t had a stable friend group since college. I’m not completely alone because I do have a best friend that I’ve known for eight years. But beyond him, I don’t have anybody.

It’s extremely difficult to make friends in a world where people just don’t talk to each other anymore. Also as we get older it’s more difficult to trust other people, I find that I’ve become quite cynical and cautious about others. When you’re young you’re more bold and willing to take risks.

This message was deleted by its author.

mindlessdrifter · M

@QueenOfZaun Well said

PinkRangerCassie · 26-30, F

@QueenOfZaun I used to have a bestfriend but he no longer wanted to be my friend anymore 😔 This was like maybe 4-5 years ago now. I used to hate that he did what he did but now I just miss him :( I know I have to move on and I have but I do not think I have fully gotten over it. I'm also very sorry you're in a similar situation and yes I strongly agree. I think when people get older, they trust less so even if they feel like that person could be a good new friend to them, their instincts kick in, plus people also get more busy as they age so that is also another factor to consider. Nobody is to blame, it is probably just the cycle of life. People go to school, get jobs, start families, and whoever came along for the ride you just hope that they stay for it. If not, you can be all alone in this world

come2gether · 41-45, M

You're the Pink Power Ranger, right? So you have enhanced strength, speed, and durability as well as limited energy projection. We'll just forget about Rito Revolto for now.

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PinkRangerCassie · 26-30, F

@come2gether True! I will just morph and people will see my power lmaoo

come2gether · 41-45, M

@PinkRangerCassie That's what I'm saying! Just morph for the event. Put on your Power Ranger inner desire and just do it. Think of all the women that show up to the major conventions in the basically naked body paint cosplay outfits. Now maybe they are exhibitionists, or maybe, they are just channeling somebody they think is stronger than them. Personally, I would rather meet a confident pink Power Ranger than one of the nearly naked gals. Buy your tickets and go.

come2gether · 41-45, M

@PinkRangerCassie you just might meet your deadpool romance

NerdyPotato · M

I'm in the same situation. I've never had a whole lot of contact, but the pandemic pretty much destroyed the little I did have. And building something new isn't working out. I am visiting all kinds of gatherings again, but no new connections are forming.

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PinkRangerCassie · 26-30, F

@NerdyPotato Yes, it gets harder as you get older, people move to different stages of their life and if you did not catch them when they were more free and emotionally available, it is difficult to hop back onto the train because a person may even want to be your friend but just simply do not have the time. For this reason I never take it personally but it still doesn't curb my loneliness

PinkRangerCassie · 26-30, F

@HumanEarth I don't really believe in zodiac signs but very interesting take

NerdyPotato · M

@PinkRangerCassie yeah, I can't blame anyone for not having the time in today's society either, but understanding the reason doesn't make it any easier.

fun4us2b · M

You just need one good friend - then things grow from there - there's probably someone you know that you're overlooking....

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fun4us2b · M

@iamnikki That's lousy -hard to take, but you're probably better off being rid of them....

iamnikki · 31-35, F

@fun4us2b I just started volunteering. Once a month so far. The volunteer job I had was fast paced, which was good because I was out in no time, but I really only chatted with 3 people. I chatted with two of them while waiting for it to start since I got there early and chatted with another person while we did the job. All three of them worked there so...I was hoping I could make friends with other volunteers.
I doubt employees would want to make friends with volunteers, it would probably be weird.

fun4us2b · M

@iamnikki I guess it really depends - people that like each other tend to find a way. And nice of you to volunteer....you're helping someone and your time is valuable.

Alorajade · 36-40, F

You most certainly are not alone. Alot of people are too caught up in their own lives. Its difficult to built true meaningful connections. I have experienced this many times. Finding proper friends is rare and i guarantee you the person with a hundred friends is just as lonely or also only has one or two close friends.

robertsnj · 56-60, M

that is your second post on this. I see you are getting alot on here. That is heart-warming.

Ok Japanese American. Were you born here? What is something us non-Japanese American's wouldn't know about being Jap/Amer / that should be a word Japamer.

about your hertitage and how it is affected by living States side?

Teslin · M

Cell phones and social media.

come2gether · 41-45, M

So, lets be friends 🙂

mindlessdrifter · M

I totally get it and am looking forward to the same things one day. There is more to it. Love, support, honesty, etc are all in the mix. If you ever want to chat, feel free to send a pm. I am always open to that