Ive been struggling so bad with depersonalization lately

I didn't sleep last night because i didn't feel like me. I felt like my movements werent mine. I didnt know if i was alive or dying. I looked at my hand and its like i couldn't register if that was mine or not. I was spaced out hard. Today i was dealing with the same thing. I was trying to smile, laugh and be cheery but it felt manic as hell. Performative. I just feel blank