I wish for some things
I don't wish my life was over but I wish it was something else. I wish I was someone else. I wish I could start again with what I know now, as someone else. I wish for a life that can give me confidence and agency, teach me how to have fun and experience joy and companionship, and a life that can let me know real love first hand.
I wish I could know with certainty that my dreams will come true.
I've never had any agency in my whole life, every time I have tried it's been like reality has stopped me because it wants my life to be a certain way.
The way my life is now, who I am, I didn't create that. It created itself. Any legitimate choice I have made in my life has gone really wrong somehow. And there is so much about being alive that you don't get to choose anyway, and that affects me.
Things that work out in my life are just random things that happen. Eventually I just stopped trying to do anything at all because making things happen for myself, my way, has been like trying to wade through dry cement.
I wish I could know with certainty that my dreams will come true.
I've never had any agency in my whole life, every time I have tried it's been like reality has stopped me because it wants my life to be a certain way.
The way my life is now, who I am, I didn't create that. It created itself. Any legitimate choice I have made in my life has gone really wrong somehow. And there is so much about being alive that you don't get to choose anyway, and that affects me.
Things that work out in my life are just random things that happen. Eventually I just stopped trying to do anything at all because making things happen for myself, my way, has been like trying to wade through dry cement.
